of Death" DVD
Back to school time
means back to school movies, and this one is just in line. Baxter
University's theatre department goes a little too far in the comraderie
department, and during an initiation, ends up badly wounding one
of its initiates. In true Baxter University Theatre Department
style, they run like crazed weasels into the night and leave said
initiate to die. Thus, it shouldn't come as much of a surprise
to anyone that, the next night, the theatre department undergoes
radical downsizing with lots of extra blood.
I know...you, much
like me, are heaving sighs of exasperation and mild disgust because
you've heard this sort of thing before. "Popcorn". "Urban
Legend". "I Know What You Did Last Summer". Lots
and lots of movies about kids getting killed, sometimes accidentally,
and their alleged friends running like thieves in the night and
then getting killed for it mere hours or even days later. Oh,
and one or two at a time, too, and in bloody and / or dramatic
Oh, and on a minor
note--you'd think that Burton and company would've known enough
about theatre students to know that NO ONE says the name "Macbeth"
on a stage. It's horrible luck; instead, one refers to it as "A
Scottish Play". If Burton were doing it as foreshadowing--which
actually would've been kinda cool--he should've had someone mention
that you don't actually say the name "Macbeth" unless
you're in performance.
But no...instead, "Acts
of Death" muddles through ground that was already trampled
back in the nineties--"Alas, poor newt...I knew him well,
fellatio"?? Careful with that joke! It's an ANTIQUE! And
worse yet, despite having the trail clearly blazed for them, they
don't even follow it very well. It takes almost a third of the
movie for our initial victim to get killed and set off the chain
of events. Suffice it to say, that's spectacularly slow. Not to
mention almost half the movie goes by before the first other victim
gets taken down.
slow...and lengthy. These are a combination sure to make a movie
that'll make you eager for your own death just to stop the boredom.
I haven't been this bored watching a horror movie in a long time.
It's not that "Acts
of Death" is all that bad, really, it's just that it's very
slow, and very predictable. It's made fairly well--no grainy video
or cheesy limb prosthetics or any sudden mannequin swaps or anything
like that--it's just that the result is so incredibly boring that
it's hard to watch.
The ending, I have
to admit, does manage to perk things up fairly well, though it's
small relief after having sat around bored stiff for an hour and
a half, give or take. And yet, it manages to downright piss me
off by introducing brand new plot elements in the last five minutes
of film. Dammit anyway, they had a hundred minutes to use and
they pick NOW to bring in new plot? SON of a bitch.
The special features
include English and Spanish subtitles, and trailers for "Haunted
Boat", "Grim Reaper", "Dead Clowns",
"Brutal", and "Mummy Maniac".
All in all, "Acts
of Death" is a wooden yawnfest I wouldn't inflict on a freshman
drama class. A tired premise poorly executed at a speed that makes
glaciers look like competitors for the Nextel Cup, "Acts
of Death" just isn't worth watching.
Directed by Jeff Burton
Written by Jeff Burton, Bill Vincent, Erik E. Hill
Starring Nathaniel Nose, Niki Huey, Finn Wrisley, James Ohngren
Produced by Jeff Burton, Leonard C. McLeod
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