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< Entertainment >

New Movie Reviews

"American Pie: Naked Mile" DVD

by Steve Anderson
thevideostoreguy@columnist.com

Why, oh why, won't someone throw this stupid pie out already? It's long since stale, and frankly, this pie's beginning to get worms.

And with this slice of pie comes the remote direct-to-video cousin of that great American Pie name--Erik Stifler.

Yeah. Erik. You know, the one that no one ever heard of before right now but we needed to drag out of the family tree because all the other Stiflers were completely played out? Yeah, my guess is that, before this franchise finally, finally grinds to a halt, they'll be digging up lots more remote Stifler relations. In fact, it's truly a wonder they haven't yet gone back in time to the twenties or something. Say, that's a thought--I wonder if they'd option the screenplay.

But anyway, this time around, Erik's not living up to the Great Stifler Legacy of constant streams of meaningless sex due to his love for his girlfriend Tracy. Thus, when Tracy gives him a "guilt-free pass" for a weekend at his cousin Dwight's college, he believes that maybe he can finally earn the Stifler name.

And if you don't see what's coming by now, just look for the giant flashing sign labeled "Stifler loves Tracy entirely too much to go randomly humping around". That's right--I guessed the end of this movie by the half hour mark.

But then, let's face it. No one came here for an engrossing storyline or clever character development, right? We all came here to see literal dozens of amateur actresses half-or-fully naked. And indeed "American Pie: The Naked Mile" will not disappoint on that one. I lost count by the half hour mark but I believe the bare nipple count was easily into double digits. Oh, and ladies, you won't be left out either--want to see Stifler ass? You'll get your shot!

Oh, and don't forget drugs. There will be plenty of that. And for some reason, Eugene Levy will also be back for another payche--I mean, chance to grow as an actor. He'll also recap the plot of earlier installments of "American Pie", so they'll be adding insult to injury.

Objectively, this movie is godawful. It's deliberately stupid and depends on tits to get by. It's got a plot so predictable that the ending can be seen from orbit. But you do have to admire a movie so fantastically devoted to giving desperate seventeen year olds who can't get internet porn wank material that they'll slap up a nigh-endless parade of chicks in various states of undress.

The ending is exactly how I called it--as though it could have been anything else?

The special features include a collection of featurettes, deleted and extended scenes, a gag reel, and a commentary track.

All in all, if you came here for a story or for character development or anything even resembling literary values--why? But if you came here to watch kids act like chimps and hump, drink, smoke or snort anything in sight, watch men get pissed on and women get puked on, and have lots of fun with midgets, well, then you know what you came here for and you will not be disappointed.

 

American Pie: Naked Mile
*
DVD

Directed by Joe Nussbaum

Written by Erik Lindsay

Starring John White, Jessy Schram, Steve Talley, Christopher McDonald

Produced by W.K. Border

NR
101 mins
2006

 

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