"American Pie: Naked Mile"
Why, oh why, won't someone
throw this stupid pie out already? It's long since stale, and frankly,
this pie's beginning to get worms.
And with this slice of pie comes the remote direct-to-video cousin
of that great American Pie name--Erik Stifler.
Yeah. Erik. You know, the one that no one ever heard of before right
now but we needed to drag out of the family tree because all the
other Stiflers were completely played out? Yeah, my guess is that,
before this franchise finally, finally grinds to a halt, they'll
be digging up lots more remote Stifler relations. In fact, it's
truly a wonder they haven't yet gone back in time to the twenties
or something. Say, that's a thought--I wonder if they'd option the
But anyway, this time around, Erik's not living up to the Great
Stifler Legacy of constant streams of meaningless sex due to his
love for his girlfriend Tracy. Thus, when Tracy gives him a "guilt-free
pass" for a weekend at his cousin Dwight's college, he believes
that maybe he can finally earn the Stifler name.
And if you don't see what's coming by now, just look for the giant
flashing sign labeled "Stifler loves Tracy entirely too much
to go randomly humping around". That's right--I guessed the
end of this movie by the half hour mark.
But then, let's face it. No one came here for an engrossing storyline
or clever character development, right? We all came here to see
literal dozens of amateur actresses half-or-fully naked. And indeed
"American Pie: The Naked Mile" will not disappoint on
that one. I lost count by the half hour mark but I believe the bare
nipple count was easily into double digits. Oh, and ladies, you
won't be left out either--want to see Stifler ass? You'll get your
Oh, and don't forget drugs. There will be plenty of that. And for
some reason, Eugene Levy will also be back for another payche--I
mean, chance to grow as an actor. He'll also recap the plot of earlier
installments of "American Pie", so they'll be adding insult
Objectively, this movie is godawful. It's deliberately stupid and
depends on tits to get by. It's got a plot so predictable that the
ending can be seen from orbit. But you do have to admire a movie
so fantastically devoted to giving desperate seventeen year olds
who can't get internet porn wank material that they'll slap up a
nigh-endless parade of chicks in various states of undress.
The ending is exactly how I called it--as though it could have been
The special features include a collection of featurettes, deleted
and extended scenes, a gag reel, and a commentary track.
All in all, if you came here for a story or for character development
or anything even resembling literary values--why? But if you came
here to watch kids act like chimps and hump, drink, smoke or snort
anything in sight, watch men get pissed on and women get puked on,
and have lots of fun with midgets, well, then you know what you
came here for and you will not be disappointed.
Pie: Naked Mile
Directed by Joe Nussbaum
Written by Erik Lindsay
Starring John White, Jessy Schram, Steve Talley, Christopher McDonald
Produced by W.K. Border
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