Hack is one of those
strange movies that I have absolutely no idea what to say about
But before I get into
the commentary, let me introduce you to the plot and give you
a better idea of why I'm so downright baffled by this thing. Basically,
a biology major is leading a group of stereotypical college students
on an extra-credit excursion to an island owned by a couple of
horror movie buffs who pretty much meet every convention you'd
expect of horror movie buffs. Specifically, they're completely
insane. And they're working on a little project of their own--a
Guess who gets to play
I spent literally the
entirety of Hack! on a roller coaster ride of sorts, where my
respect for the movie dropped (ugh, just what I need--yet another
horny coeds get slashed movie) and then climbed (tell me I didn't
just see someone take an oversized croquet mallet to the head!)
and then dropped (someone please tell me why the flaming Asian
guy is singing Fame in the middle of the woods) and then finally
got on this strange rickety track where it would go up and down
in rapid oscillations until, finally, the movie was over.
My reaction to Hack!
was like one of those weird YouTube videos you see every so often
where someone's facial expressions change so rapidly you almost
can't follow them.
This, of course, makes
for a big problem for me. I'm supposed to tell you what I thought
of this--and I certainly did that--but I'm also supposed to tell
you whether or not you should go see it yourself. And for the
life of me, I can't tell you either way.
I can't tell you that
Hack! was a good movie. It spent a lot of time being derivative--even
the characters would call events taking place in the film thus.
It spent a lot of time insulting my intelligence--thank you for
specifically killing off the promiscuous and the drug-users, guys;
I love it when writers make their films EXACTLY according to Randy
from Scream's rules.
And yet, it gave me
some good laughs and a couple good scares. These are not hallmarks
of a bad film. Bad movies usually don't make me laugh and they
almost NEVER make me jump.
This of course adds
up to one inexorable conclusion: man am I ever glad I put the
two-star rating in place. Seriously, that's what this sucker is--a
prime on-the-hoof example of a two-star movie if I've ever seen
The ending is, much
like the rest of the movie, solidly not bad. It's entertaining,
yet it's already been done. They'll even cite the movie from which
it was stolen! It was Dead Calm.
The special features
include Spanish subtitles and a trailer for Hack!
All in all, if you're
looking for a movie that takes way too many lessons from the past
and applies them haphazardly to the future, and includes some
good laughs and scares, then Hack! will make a good rental. But
if you have no taste for cliche, then Hack! is a total loss.
Directed by Matt Flynn
Written by Matt Flynn
Starring Danica McKellar, Lochlyn Munro, Jay Kenneth Johnson,
Produced by Brian Hartman Sean kanan, Mike Wittlin
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