"Hide and Creep"
Okay, so we all knew
this had to happen eventually.
What Southerners have
been ranting about ever since they got their collective ass handed
to them back in the mid-1800s has finally come to pass.
The South...Has Risen
And it's hungry for people
So what we have here
is that, indeed, the South is rising again, at least in the town
of Thorsby, Alabama. And it's what you expect--the zombies
are hungry for human flesh, and attacking the living to get it.
So now the town's video store clerk, a recently fired (for gross
incompetence) deputy, a Homeland Defense agent, and a naked guy,
must now rise up to defend the town.
I'm not kidding about
that naked guy.
Indeed, the beleaguered
video store clerk, God bless the video store guys of America and
abroad, thank you all to pieces, is pretty much right. There
ARE only three truly good American zombie movies, and George Romero
made every one.
The rest are a collection
of Romero ripoffs--some of which are better than others--and stuff
too baffling to try and discuss even in THIS column, which every
week confronts and rants about the most baffling parts of the video
But at any rate, I've
got to applaud "Hide and Creep" for being one of if not
the first (that I can remember, anyway) to make a video store guy
a major hero.
No, I'm not counting
"Clerks." Though Randal is the ideological hero
of the video store guy profession, he does not count as a hero,
even as an antihero, because he doesn't actually do anything.
He's a convenient foil for whatsisname at the Quick-Stop.
You know, whiny Mr. "I'm-Not-Even-Supposed-To-Be-Here-Today".
But anyway, back to "Hide
I could go through, and
list every single crack-up moment that's in "Hide and Creep,"
but I'd need a two-part column just to do the job properly.
Everything from our video store guy explaining the plot ("So
what we've been hearing on talk radio about a conspiracy of aliens
or the military to produce a race of flesh-eating ghouls to feed
on the living is true, and people are renting zombie movies to learn
how to defend themselves? Yeah...I can't rent to you any more.)
to the unpleasant sight of a man waking up in the woods without
pants or girlfriend ("Gail? Where's my car? ...where's
my PANTS?) all in the first three minutes makes "Hide and Creep,"
without question, the single funniest full-length zombie movie I've
The single funniest short
zombie movie I've ever seen goes to "Snow Day, Bloody Snow
Day," which I hear is making the film festival routes.
But anyway! Focus,
I can't believe it, but
Harry Knowles actually got one RIGHT for a change. He said
this was good stuff. But then again, with the crew at Film
Threat backing his play, and even Kevin Smith's outlet nodding its
assent, it's hard not to get it right.
"Hide and Creep"
is unbearably good stuff. It's funny, it's bloody, it's violent,
it's even a bit of social commentary, it's pretty much everything
you could want in a zombie movie.
The ending is pretty
much like the rest of the movie. Good, and funny, and pretty
much what you could hope for. The one problem with indeed
all zombie movies is that they stop, but they don't really end.
The nature of the movie is that the problem is never really over--it
goes on until all the participants are dead. But the movie
has to stop somewhere.
That and I don't know
HOW zombies suddenly got to be afraid of the dark....
Plus, there's a couple
of absolutely fantastic twists to the ending that'll just amaze
you. I'm not kidding.
The special features
include audio options, feature commentary, a behind the scenes featurette,
and a short film, "Birthday Call. that comes with some interesting
pre-show commentary in the form of text. It's also surprisingly
good for a three minute black and white film that doubles as a Coke
endorsement. Product placement, anyone?
Plus, we get trailers
for "War of the Worlds," "Frankenstein," "Jolly
Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove," "Hide and Creep,"
and "Lethal Eviction."
All in all, "Hide
and Creep" is a terrific addition to the American zombie film
landscape, joining Romero among the greats.
GRADE: 4stars ****