"Ice Queen" DVD
So what we have here
is the story of the archeological find of the century--a woman sealed
in a big block of amber found in the Amazon rain forest. Naturally,
women sealed in amber aren't the normal kind of thing to find, so
this one's special for one reason or another.
And when they follow
it up with a wet t-shirt contest at a ski resort, well, you have
to wonder--what ARE we going to be faced with for the next eighty
minutes? You know the rule, folks...better than ninety percent of
the time, if you see an actress exposed within the first ten minutes,
the rest of the film will, inevitably, suck out loud.
But then, there's more
plot! Our Amazon amber woman is getting shipped to a ski patrol
outpost...near the resort.
Ohhhh boy, I think we
see where THIS is going.
Goes Wrong and the plane crashes, causing an avalance that engulfs
the lodge and a handful of survivors. They're running out of air,
there's a homicidal cold-powered devil witch woman thing after them,
and plenty of nudity which is a surprise in an environment like
I have to admit, I'm
a little concerned. This is a plot that's eerily familiar on several
fronts. Lots of science fiction has started out like this, with
alien-things in faulty containment tanks getting out and slaughtering
every human being around them.
First off, kudos for
the opening three minutes. That firefight looks pretty authentic
by my measures...I certainly can't spot the wires on this one.
And anti-kudos for the
"skiing from the avalanche" sequence around twenty five
minutes for having the skier and the avalanche in the same shot
for less than ten whole seconds. Surely we can use a blue screen
a LITTLE better than this, MTI.
You'll notice also that,
at twenty eight minutes and twenty two seconds, the arm is already
detached when the Ice Queen pulls it away from the pilot's body.
And twenty eight minutes thirty nine seconds, that cloud of steam
in front of the guy's face...it's not terribly convincing.
It's also never adequately
explained as to why the Ice Queen suddenly goes from hot chick to
twisted evil monstrousity when she cools off.
And yet, almost the last
hour is this "Poseidon Adventure" in snow, and I can't
help but be amused by the parallels. The building is even upside
down, as evidenced by the bolted down furniture.
At least, until the forty
six minute forty eight second mark, where two of our female leads
have a catfight. Then I'm amused but in a much more wry sort of
way. They're trapped in a ski lodge under fifty billion metric tons
of snow--something like HALF A MOUNTAIN, the building is literally
upside down, and they're having a hair-pulling catfight because
the male lead has been philandering around and these are the two
ladies in question.
Talk about having your priorities in order.
But then something amazing
happens around the forty nine minute mark. A cell phone call actually
GETS THROUGH. I can't believe it. One of the most immutable new
laws of horror fiction and there it is, shattered like the windows
at the lodge. Of course, the operator on the other end doesn't believe
a word of it, but still...it's pretty much a law that cell phone
calls do NOT get through.
The ending features one
of the biggest "What the?" moments of the film as our
Ice Queen gets hot for the cold guys. I know, it's a lousy pun,
but it's apt. She displays arousal when everyone's freezing. And
then, from there, we go right to the standard "use the monster's
one major weakness to kill it" strategy.
The special features
include full screen and wide screen formats as selectable options,
cast and crew commentary, a behind the scenes featurette, interactive
menus, Spanish subtitles, and trailers for a bunch of movies whose
titles I don't know because once again MTI didn't bother to tell
All in all, not bad.
Though "Ice Queen" suffers from some predictability in
its plot, it develops some minor innovations that put it at a cut
slightly above mediocre. It's worth a rental, and you'll probably
enjoy it to some degree.
GRADE: 2 stars **