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"Knock Knock" DVD
The first three minutes
of "Knock Knock", which basically revolve around someone
playing ding-dong-ditch and following up this cheesy, childish
little stunt by punching through what looks like a solid mahogany
door leave me nonplussed at best.
Sad to say, this low-budget
shitstravaganza isn't going to manage to follow up any better.
The plot is rather
simple enough--someone's going around killing popular kids at
a high school and leaving their bodies scattered around like so
many Twinkie wrappers. Like the title suggests, he'll be doing
plenty of knocking, but if you tell him you can't come in, he'll
just come right through anyway.
If it sounds like you've
seen it already, then you won't be saddened at all to discover
that, yes, indeed, you have. This is a relic beyond relics--they
were doing this kind of crap back in the eighties, for crying
out loud, and it's no more satisfying now than it was then. It's
an extra sad blow, making the guy nobody sees or hears anything
out of until the last fifteen mintues or so, like they just thought
"Well, we can't very well make the possibly mildly retarded
janitor the killer, so let's just make him a huge red herring
instead!" and so tacked on one guy extra to fill out the
killer role.
This isn't just sloppy
filmmaking, this is balls-out LAZY filmmaking.
And yes, I know this
film probably had a shooting budget better suited to buying groceries
than actual moviemaking, but surely we can get a killer a better
mask than some stupid papier-mache setup. Even the original Jason
Voorhees had a bag on his head; this halfwit's wandering around
with something from arts and crafts on his face.
By about the halfway
point I began to wonder why he even bothered wearing a mask. Several
of his victims didn't actually see him coming, and those that
did didn't see him coming didn't last long enough to have much
of a reaction to him.
The ending introduces
the killer, without so much as foreshadowing, and makes him some
kind of superhuman juggernaut who can take half a dozen rounds
to the chest as well, so it's cheesy as all hell.
The special features include four different featurettes.
All in all, to play
with the movie's own joke: Knock knock! Who's there? One star,
bitches. This thing sucks sour frog ass. This warmed-over slop
is just plain pointless. They're not doing anything new here,
nor are they doing anything good with what's already been done.
Definitely not one to waste any time on.
Knock
Knock
*
DVD
Directed by Joe Ariola
Written by Joe Ariola
Starring Nicole Abisinio, Chris Bashinelli, Kat Castaneda, John
Cipriano Jr.
Produced by Joe Ariola
NR
88 mins
2007
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