Last House in The Woods" DVD
Last House in The Woods" DVD cover
when you think Ghost House Underground can't get ANY WORSE, along
comes the Italian entry, The Venetian Chainsaw Massacre.
Now, you just think
I'm being funny at this point, but no, it's true. Ghost House
Underground was apparently so desperate for titles to round out
its lineup that they were willing to stoop to the level of an
Italian knockoff of The Texas Chainsaw Masscare.
That's not even a terribly
inapt point--it's a couple on the run from a gang of bullies,
rescued by even bigger monsters than the guys who beat and robbed
the male half of the couple and were about to rape the female
part. You may wonder, how is it possible to be worse than thugs
and rapists? Oh, it's actually pretty easy. Read on and find out.
You see, when I say
that this is the Venetian Chainsaw Massacre, I'm not just being
funny. There WILL be a chainsaw....eventually, though it sounds
badly underpowered and in serious need of a chain tightening.
And there will be a massacre....kind of. The chainsaw handler
will be disabled and violent, too, just like Bubba Sawyer, aka
And in the final kick
to our collective balls, the youngest son of the family of bigger
monsters is a cannibal. With horrible teeth, too.
So basically, we're
going to get the incredibly dull fun that is watching a girl get
saved from rapists by cannibals and then briefly escaping the
cannibals to be found by what looks like the Italian cast of Deliverance,
who just happens to be related to the cannibals.
Oh, and it really IS
incredibly dull fun, too. The first half hour will go by mostly
uneventfully--the scene where the girl is being menaced by the
rapists is a real cringe-inducer, and watching the girl try to
run from the cannibals actually somehow manages to be a complete
It's a real tragedy--somehow
that which should be scary is a total bore instead.
And you can forget
right now about the ending being interesting--not a chance of
that. They won't even manage to explain why the sweet little eight
year old boy is a flesh eating monster. It apparently just sorta
happened; he was BORN that way. Frankly, if my kid were born with
an insatiable craving for human flesh I think I'd probably have
him locked up. It isn't just me, either--I asked around.
The special features
include English and Spanish subtitles, a short film called L'Armadio,
director's commentary, behind the scenes footage, and trailers
for Saw V, Punisher: War Zone, he Last House in the Woods, Brotherhood
of Blood, Room 205, No Man's Land: Rise of the Reeker, The Substitute,
Dark Floors, Trackman, and Dance of the Dead.
All in all, our coverage
of Ghost House Underground is almost at an end, and so far, with
the exceptions of The Substitute and Room 205, the whole series
has been an unqualified failure. The Last House in the Woods is
one more brick in the massive wall of failure.
Last House in The Woods
Directed by Gabrielle Albanesi
Written by Gabrielle Albanesi
Starring Daniela Virgilio, Daniele Grassetti, Gennaro Diana, Santa
Produced by Gregory J. Rossi, Gabrielle Albanesi, Antonio Manetti,
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