Wednesday, 28 November, 2007 11:45 AM
Why Do Women Stay in Abusive
Domestic violence is
one of the dirty secrets that many people like to ignore. They convince
themselves it only happens to strangers. But the truth is that 3
women A DAY are killed by the hands of their husband or boyfriends.
Are you aware that, nearly one-third of American women report being
physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some
point in their lives according to the Family Violence Prevention
Fund. They come from all walks of life and could be your daughter,
sister, friend or neighbor. So why would a woman stay with a man
who is hurting her?
Aurea McGarry, successful entrepreneur and author of the new book
“I Won’t Survive...I’ll Thrive,” believes
that many women become stuck in physically and verbally abusive
relationships because they don’t immediately recognize what’s
“The first thing an abusive man does is separate his spouse
from her friends and family and keep her isolated,” says McGarry.
“By the time you begin to understand that you’re in
an abusive relationship, he’s cut out the legs of your support
McGarry speaks from experience. Her first marriage to a pastor’s
son ended badly. She says her ex-husband was physically and verbally
abusive. Prior to their wedding when they were just dating, she
misinterpreted his jealousy for attentiveness.
That naiveté is a contributing factor to the current epidemic
of teen dating violence. Often, teenage girls don’t realize
that their boyfriend’s behavior is abusive; they believe it
is normal or a part of being in love so they continue the relationship.
Health experts point to the growing problem of teen domestic violence
as a link in a vicious cycle. An estimated 3 million American women
are abused each year. Because children are witnessing verbal or
physical abuse in their homes, they begin to believe it is acceptable.
Once they begin dating, many of them emulate the relationships they
saw as kids.
“I think we need to begin as early as elementary school, teaching
children what is acceptable and unacceptable treatment of their
fellow humans,” says McGarry. “It should be instilled
in young girls that violence is not acceptable and love is not supposed
to hurt you.”
Another factor that often keeps women trapped—aside from fear—is
a lack of self-esteem. They may believe they deserve this type of
treatment; that if they only did things better the abuse would stop.
McGarry says starting her own business gave her a sense of accomplishment
and self-worth. The recognition she received from colleagues boosted
her self-esteem and helped push her in a different direction; away
from her husband. She says after leaving him, she came to an amazing
realization: no matter what she tried doing to please him, it wouldn’t
change his abusive ways.
ABOUT AUREA MCGARRY
Aurea McGarry enjoyed an upscale lifestyle in Manhattan until her
father was brutally murdered when she was fifteen years old. Forced
to give up her lifestyle, she entered the work force. Subsequently
she’s had great entrepreneurial success with a leading cosmetics
company. She believes her focus on business is what helped her leave
an abusive marriage filled with pain and distress. Her real life
experiences in an abusive relationship lead McGarry to write the
book, “I Won’t Survive, I’ll Thrive!”
Available At: www.barnesandnoble.com,
Source: News and
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