-- Arriving a few decades later than it should
have, GM, or ObamaMotors if you prefer, now has a
new sensation on its hands, to allude to INXS’s
best song. Hot models that would make Paris Hilton
feel envy were peppered with questions about the stylish
North American Car of the Year that comes in black,
crystal red, cyber gray, silver ice, viridian joule
and white diamond.
One shade of the silver Volt has some green in it,
one of the Michigander models told me. Being an artist
of some note (well, at least Wikipedia thinks so….),
I looked at that Volt right after she told me that
and searched for green in the silver. Sadly, I could
not see it, but, in my defense, I was about 20 feet
away from it at the time. I had just been in it, though,
so I might not be able to go to the Left Bank if I
ever get to Paris.
The Volt is as quiet as a church mouse, so be sure
to know where the horn is and get used to using it
if you happen to buy one of these puppies. Of course,
every time you beep the horn, or go up a hill, or
use the radio, or charge your cellphone in the USB
port located between the two front seats, or use the
heat or the A/C, you are lessening the life span of
the current charge. Not to worry, though, the Volt
lets you know how much charge you have left and also
tells you when is the best time of day to recharge
your battery so as to be the least expensive and also
not stress the Grid.
There was one man at the industry preview on Wednesday,
January 12, 2011 at Cobo Center who had some weird
instrument that looked sort of like a Brannock Device,
you know, those things at the shoe store. Charles
Brannock invented it in Syracuse, New York and now
a lot of foreign knockoffs threaten to shut down the
company. They make them in Liverpool now.
It was sort of obscene as that man measured the steering
wheel of the Volt. I also saw two men molesting another
Volt. One was taking pictures of it as he sat in the
driver’s seat, while the man in the passenger
seat was bent down and seemed to be licking the floor
mat of the passenger side or something. I asked them
if they worked for GM, and the man in the passenger
seat embarrassedly sat up like a human being, looked
me in the eye, and said yes. I think he was lying
through his teeth. But, then again, God did not strike
him down with a lightning bolt from above….
If you can afford the $32,780 price tag (after rebates)
of the Volt, and I know it is a bit re-Volting right
now, you would be doing not only GM, ObamaMotors,
the national debt, and America in general a big favor,
you would be helping the entire Earth. Electric cars
might save the atmosphere. The hole in the ozone over
Antarctica and all. China, too, is trying to go electric.
BYD has two electric cars at the auto show. One, the
e6, is purely electric, unlike the Volt and BYD’s
F3DM, which both also include a combustible engine.
I will be writing an article soon about China and
their quest for electrification. Same net page, same
net link. Give me a few days to ruminate. It will
be worth the wait. Trust me.
All the same, I give GM an “A” for the
Volt and hope it succeeds. I also give GM an “A”
for hiring some very knowledgeable and beautiful models
to help promote the Volt. Some of them are even Michiganders.
Imagine that! And before you correct me and say “Michiganian,”
our new Governor says Michigander, and none other
than Abe Lincoln coined the term “Michigander.”
Tell your state senator and state rep to make Michigander
our official designation again. It is absurd to think
that the term Michigander is offensive because it
is not gender-neutral! Now that the Republicans are
in charge of Lansing, maybe it can happen. Supposedly,
the elephants are not as enamored of the politically
correct; and with their long memory, they might remember
the term. Michiganders, unite! Don’t be a dolt,
give Lansing a jolt, and be sure to buy a Volt!