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Book Review

Thursday, 16 July, 2009 11:44 AM

'Simply Irresistible' is not worth the read

Photo credit: www.amazon.com

"Simple Irresistible"

by Steve Anderson
thevideostoreguy@columnist.com

 

 

Ohhh boy. Brace yourselves, folks--if you can't get enough of the vacuous eye-candy nincompoops who infest the various largely interchangeable teen dramas, then you too can run right out and drop the insultingly high price of ten bucks (subject to change and tax before its actual release) to read two hundred and fifty six pages' worth of the "adventures" of a whole new set of vacuous eye-candy nincompoops. It's called "Simply Irresistable", and the title is wishful thinking at its best and an outright lie at worst.

Seriously, they're interchangeable; how much difference is there really between One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl, The OC and The Hills? And I'm not talking tiny differences like "Heidi and Spencer aren't on THAT one", I'm talking like major plot differences, like "This is the only one where Heidi and Spencer are costumed crime fighters who fight a new supervillian every week."

But anyway, back to this one. Seems there's a bunch of teenagers living in the same luxury apartment complex in New York, and they're all poised to be on an occasionally-mentioned TV show called De-Luxe. I don't know what De-Luxe is about because no one talks about it for more than a paragraph at a time.

Anyway, we've got the usual range of personalities here, including spoiled vacuous nincompoop Madison, who, if she can stop talking about clothes and her C-cup breasts for more than three minutes at a stretch (seriously, they'll be mentioned at least twice) actually turns out to be a nasty little harridan who's constantly plotting on everyone around her and desperately seeking attention from anyone and everyone.

The primary target of her abuse is small-town country vacuous nincompoop Casey McCloy, who, if she can stop talking about borrowing other people's clothes and her own ennui for three minutes at a stretch (seriously, she's constantly chattering about how SHE CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S HERE) actually turns out to be rather boring. A few assorted other figures will figure in, but they turn out to be precious little more than window dressing for the great Madison / Casey feud that Casey just seems baffled even exists in the first place. After all, she's no doubt figuring, who could hate Casey? She's as inoffensive as the vanilla pudding on top of a Jello mold back hom in whatever Children of the Corn set they managed to drag her out of. I'm sure it's mentioned where she comes from, but I neither remember nor care.

I'm sure that, if you can't get enough of any of the TV shows I've mentioned, then Simply Irresistable is, like, totally the book you want to read. Meanwhile, everybody else is wondering when someone's going to mug these losers and put them out of our misery once and for all. Sadly, this will never happen. And though Madison will get a lovely comeuppance in the end, it's still only marginally satisfied as you're not that happy about the outcome anyway. It made me feel bad, frankly, exulting at Madison's defeat, because in the end I was only happy because she got hers in the end. The rest of it, I feel nothing. If all of these characters were wiped out in a gas main explosion, I'd actually be happier about it. Then there would be no way they could come back and force me to sit through yet another outing.

Long and the short, folks, this book is godawful. Unless you're a devoted teen drama fan this book will relentlessly waste your time and be very unapologetic about it. This is a gigantic sludge pile on par with any other, and if you're not in the very, VERY specific demographic it's targeting then you will be completely lost.

Simply Irresistable spends two hundred fifty six pages preaching to the choir, and proves to be anything but.

OVERALL RATING: E

256 pages / Publisher: Berkley Jam Books / July 7, 2009 / Language: English / Fiction: Young Adult

 

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