"American Pie Presents:
Beta House" DVD
Why this exists is
utterly, utterly beyond me. Oh, sure, you could go the cynical
route and say "because people were dumb enough to lap up
the last one like it was so much whipped creme off a sorority
girl". And you could always got the "because there's
a whole lot of guys who want nothing quite so much as half-naked
chicks and are willing to pay for it" route. And theren there's
always the "it's the new Animal House" excuse.
But for crying out
loud...Joe Piscopo's in this. There are actual urine jokes going
on in the first five minutes. They parody "The Deer Hunter"
using capsules of AGED HORSE SEMEN. There's a sequence of extended
vomiting--TARGET vomiting. And after a stuffed bear takes a money
shot, I know there can't be an excuse for this.
Oh, but in my heart
of hearts I'm sure there is. I just gave like three of them in
that first paragraph.
The actual plotline
is something you've seen and heard at least a dozen times since
"Animal House"--a bunch of mostly morons run a fraternity
that gets a whole lot of women who are either idiots themselves,
don't care how stupid a guy is, or are paid extremely well. These
mostly morons will overcome hardship, adversity, and a sudden
calamity or two to end up defeating a pompous competing fraternity
That's the new wrinkle
this go-round...apparently, "Revenge of the Nerds" gave
a lot of guys ideas and the inevitable cultural dynamic kicked
in. The geek have inherited the earth in "Beta House",
and they're running roughshod over it. Being a geek myself, I
can tell you that I've wondered about the shoe being on the other
metaphorical foot more than once, and man, if this is what it
looks like, I shudder for my people.
Would we be such petty
assholes if put in power? Have we seen the enemy...and he is us?
I hadn't expected to think so, but...did "American Pie: Beta
House" actually make me THINK just now?
Oh, all right...credit
where credit is due, I suppose. This is the first American Pie
film to actually make me think about something.
The ending, meanwhile,
is actually about fifteen minutes too long, because the match
is actually won before the extended celebration sequence. It's
as though we were watching "Return of the Jedi" and
the last fifteen minutes was wall-to-wall Ewoks dancing. Yeah,
All in all, despite
the fact that this was the first American Pie franchise to make
me actually think for a few minutes, there's still entirely too
many things wrong with it to elevate it past the level of contemptible
swill. This pie has clearly gone rotten.
Pie Presents Beta House
by Andrew Waller
by Erik Lindsay
John White, Steve Talley, Christopher McDonald, Eugene Levy
by W.K. Border
out the Video Store Guy on his own ever-lovin' website.
Featuring never before seen pieces exclusive to Reel Advice! (reel.panel2panel.com)